Black Vow
by magicaltomatoes
Summary: It is known amongst all angels that falling in love with a human is strictly forbidden, and that breaking such a sacred rule will result in death for all those involved. But when the foolish angel, Tabris, assumes the human identity of Kaworu Nagisa and decides to pursue Shinji Ikari, the results will possibly be worse than death itself. /KawoShin. AU based on the song /
1. Pandora's Box

**If you want a better idea about the story, please watch or listen to the song "Alluring Secret: Black Vow". It is about an angel who falls in love with a human, but since such feelings are forbidden, the angel changes itself in order to be with their beloved. It ends sadly, though. So don't expect much happiness here, either...! ;u;**

**I would greatly appreciate reviews as well! Please enjoy!**

***Previous realm = Afterlife, where those who die go**

* * *

_For the prosperity of both, we celestial beings are strictly forbidden to harbor any feelings of love, desire, or lust towards a member of the human race. _

_T__hose responsible for breaking this sacred law will be severely punished._

* * *

I: Pandora's Box

It was rather amusing to think that, down on the earthly realm, humans believed that celestial beings existed within a paradise atop the clouds, where God and His angels spent their days basking in the pureness of all that existed in the universe. In actuality, this concept of heaven couldn't be more wrong. Rather than kingdoms settled upon clouds, where God and His angels harmoniously dwelt, there was space - an endless supply of it for all them to coexist without intruding upon the domains of humanity. There were also no choirs of cherubs singing in marvelous symphonies, nor were there any breathtaking sites of gold, marble, or other valued substance. The celestial realm - or heaven, as humans often referred to it as- was simply endless space.

And because it was merely space and nothing more than that, the angels who weren't on missions from God were often gripped with an overwhelming sense of boredom. They were eager to embark on any assigned work, be it battling enemies and demons, standing guard by the previous realm* or simply blessing a human in response to a desperate prayer. If they weren't on duty, they were simply picking up idle chit chat with each other, existing in their realm where everything was pure and untainted by the hands of the living. Without any form of corruption, there was little to discuss, but they had managed to press on since the beginning of time, after all.

They just needed to continue on until things came to an end - whenever that would be.

* * *

"Tabris," one spoke, "You haven't been to the world below in quite some time, have you?"

The one known as Tabris looked over at the other, a small, relaxed smile curved at his lips. "No, I haven't. There are plenty of others who have yet to be assigned, so I figured I would let them have a chance." He paused, his ruby eyes filled with a sense of wonder. "Lilin are interesting creatures. It would be a shame for one of us to never see them."

"Lilin... Humans... I must admit to finding them odd. They place all their hopes with us, believing we to be the only beings capable of divine power, when they themselves..." The other angel trailed off, his tone dripping with boredom at the subject. It was an over-discussed topic that really didn't need saying. "Anyhow, it is rumored that you'll be sent to the earthly realm soon. I overheard it from one of the more elite angels... I don't believe it is in their nature to be wrong about what is to be done with us, so I suggest preparing yourself for the travel down. Landing is always rough, thanks to the barrier between our worlds."

Tabris sighed and closed his eyes, nodding in agreement. "I suppose I should. Thank you for informing me - you really killed some time for us both. That is something any angel will appreciate greatly."

Another smile curled at his lips.

* * *

_Something is missing in my life. I just wish I knew what it was._

A harsh yank on the ear pulled the young man, Shinji Ikari, away from his distant thoughts and back to reality. His earlobe was continually pulled upon by the fiery girl that stood beside him, and much to his disappointment, she didn't look ready to let go anytime soon. "What were you thinking about now, you idiot? We're getting married in a week, and there's no time to go off daydreaming! Do you want the wedding to fall apart? Do you want me to plan everything for you? Lazy pig."

"A-Ah, Asuka, please let go of my ear... I was just thinking about a few things. Nothing's going to go wrong, I promise," he pleaded to his fiancée, attempting to wiggle his way out of her firm grasp. Alas, she was much stronger than he was, as it has always been between the two, and her attack on his ear soon spread to his nose, which she gave a sharp yank on as well. She was obviously in no mood to hear any of what Shinji had to say. "P-Please let go!"

"And why should I?" Asuka retorted. "You've paid no real attention to what I've been saying. Why should I listen to what you have to say? I don't want to hear your pathetic words anymore. Shut up."

With that, she released him, causing him to stumble back a bit in efforts to avoid any further attacks from his bride-to-be. Asuka smirked at the sight of Shinji cowering from her, and with a dry laugh, she turned and focused her attention on the church they stood in once more. It was a small, local church with not much to offer - but it was the only church in the area that was founded upon the name of a German saint, and that was crucial for this particular wedding. The irritable young woman wouldn't stop complaining if their wedding took place in a church or shrine that was distinctly Japanese. She sniffed at the idea, despite how she was partially Japanese herself. "Alright, listen up, Shinji, 'cause I'll only say it once. Once I come up here on the altar, you recite your lines, and after that I'm going to perform my piece."

There was an awkward silence, followed by a meek, "What will you be singing, again? Sorry, Asuka, I forgot..."

"Why am I not surprised? Tch. It'll be a surprise for you, then, but it's definitely a German song. I want to have a grand performance before I'm married, so that everyone will talk about this wedding for ages. It'll be perfect."

_Perfect for you, anyway._

Shinji pushed aside his bitter thoughts and nodded at the other, forcing himself to smile in reply to her sharp words. It was something he had accustomed himself to doing whenever he spoke with her. Their conversations usually consisted of him being lectured and yelled at, followed by complaints and exclamations of frustration as he failed to respond in the way Asuka wanted him to. She demanded perfection, and all Shinji could offer her was his broken shell, which she was obviously displeased with on a daily basis. It was a true wonder how they were going through with the wedding at this point. After all, most people would back out of nonsensical relationships such as theirs way before the point of engagement, but Shinji was a fool, and a fool he always would be. It would be impossible for him to find another person willing to love him - if what they shared was even love.

"Yes, of course. I want everything to be perfect on our day, Asuka," he replied with a tinge of sarcasm. "But wouldn't that be more appropriate at the reception? People don't like sitting too long at services. Your singing will be appreciated more afterwards... Right? I mean..."

Ignoring what he had to say, the redhead turned around and went back to examining the altar, as if she were looking for some sort of faults to find with it. She wasn't going to risk tripping over or stumbling on her big day. If there was something wrong with the place, she would have to do something about it. As she went about her examinations, Shinji bit his lip and took a few steps back, not wanting to be any closer to her.

_Is this really what I'll be stuck with until I die? Constant judgement and criticism? I don't want her... Not her... I want... I want someone else..._

Sure, Asuka was beautiful and talented, and it was a wonder how she could stick with someone as bland and spineless as Shinji, but behind her amazing exterior lurked something dark and saddening - a sort of loneliness and anger that the poor young man didn't know how to treat. He was still trying to sort through his own issues. With Asuka... Well, she sorted through her issues with violence and anger, and that was something he really couldn't handle. It was painful for him. But it would be more painful to be left alone.

_I don't want to be alone. Please, God, I don't want to be alone..._

"Hey, I'm going to go use the toilet."

"Hurry back. I'm not going to wait if you take too long."

Shinji nodded and turned, eager to leave and head towards the restrooms, which were located in the hallway outside the church center. He felt a breath of relief escape him as he continued further and further away from the girl, and eventually, as he closed the church doors behind him, he closed his eyes and smiled nervously. It was like crawling out from underneath the pressure Asuka constantly pushed upon him. Such a dizzy, weightless feeling.

Opening his eyes, he took a step forward, heading towards the restroom to wash his face, only to pause and take a long look at what was sitting right before him. His blue-grey eyes widened in surprise. A boy? No - much older than that. It was a man, probably around his age, maybe a little older, sprawled across the marble floors of the lobby. Panic seized Shinji, and he was instantly by the mysterious person's side, regardless of whatever the trouble was. "A-Are you okay? Hello? H-Hello...?!"

He reached down and took hold of the other's pale, bony wrist in attempts to stir him, only to feel a twitch rouse from the other, followed by a slight groan. Relief and worry flooded through him at the same time. "Hey, are you... Do I need to call an ambulance? I-I probably should, shouldn't I?"

"No... There is no need..."

The pale young man let out a soft sigh before sitting up, acting as if he had never been passed out on the floor in the first place. He opened his eyes, revealing their unnatural, ruby color, and glanced at Shinji with a small smile. "I appreciate you worrying about me, though. I had a bit of a fall, I suppose. I'm alright now." He reached up and brushed his silver hair away from his eyes. It was odd for a person of his age to have such a hair color, but then again, he was probably an albino. The worried groom-to-be kept this in mind, and realized the condition would explain his pale and fragile features as well.

"A-Ah, I'm just glad you're okay...!" Shinji reddened slightly with embarrassment. Was he acting strange? Maybe he had overreacted. Or maybe he was just being awkward, as usual. "I, uh, sorry. I wasn't expecting to see you on the floor like that, so I thought that you were badly hurt."

"Mm. Please, don't worry about me. I feel perfectly fine," the stranger replied, his smile remaining on his face, "Sorry to trouble you like this... Oh, might I ask what your name is? If you don't mind, that is."

He looked at Shinji with an emotion the other couldn't quite place, but he nodded, seeing that there was no reason to hold his name back. Incidents like this surely happen for a reason. "Sure... Um, my name is Ikari. Shinji Ikari. You can call me by either, I suppose. I... I've never been one for those distant formalities. Can I ask what your name is, too?"

There was a moment of silence between the two before the ruby-eyed stranger closed his eyes and replied in the sweetest of voices, "Nagisa. Kaworu Nagisa. It is a pleasure to meet you, Shinji."


	2. Corruption

**Here's chapter 2! A big thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited! **

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II: Corruption

* * *

"Nagisa. Kaworu Nagisa. It is a pleasure to meet you, Shinji."

It was the best Tabris could come up with on such short notice, but surprisingly, the name had a rather pleasant sound to it. He was almost certain that he had once been assigned to someone of that name, thus the sudden thought of it, but he brushed that aside for the time being. What mattered most at the moment was getting to know the target of his current mission. Shinji Ikari, the man who knelt beside him, was to undergo a great deal of turmoil and struggle in a matter of time, and it was the angel's job to watch over him. This was surprising, really, since most assignments regarding miserable humans were merely blessings. Something made this human special, Kaworu decided. He just wasn't quite sure what it was yet.

"I feel that our meeting is part of something much greater, Shinji," he murmured, opening his eyes to meet with the other's. Such sadness and fear dwelt within the blue-grey orbs, and if Kaworu had a human heart within him, he was sure it would have felt a twitch of sympathy for the human. The realm where the children of God existed was a miserable place, where suffering and hatred lurked around every corner - thus was the mess left behind by Adam, Eve, and Lilith. With a small smile, he pulled himself up off the ground and to his feet. "Tell me, what were you doing before you found me? I hate to interrupt your day... But is it alright if I tag along with you for now? I'm still a little lightheaded. I don't think it would be pleasant to pass out again somewhere."

Shinji stood up as well and, with a small, nervous smile, he nodded in agreement. It looked as if he was almost afraid of the angel joining him in his prior activities, for whatever reason. "Of course. I'd be glad to have you come along, Nagisa. T-To be honest, I wasn't having much fun, anyway, so maybe you'll help freshen things up. Asuka can be a little too much to handle sometimes," he replied, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. Embarrassment, perhaps? Intriguing.

"Asuka... Who is Asuka? A friend of yours?"

There was a slight pause before the human let out a long, slightly displeased sigh. "No... She's going to be my wife soon. We'll be marrying in this church next week, actually."

The fair angel smiled pleasantly and tucked his hands into his pockets (Looks like he had mastered the art of forming human clothing around his body. The first few times he traveled to the human world, he had no skill whatsoever at the art, and usually appeared naked to whomever was unfortunate enough to find him in such a state.), about to congratulate Shinji, before he was interrupted.

"I... I don't like her."

Another pause.

"What?"

Shinji clenched his fists at his sides and bowed his head, as if he were too ashamed to express his thoughts directly to his companion's face. "I mean... I just don't like her. I mean, as a person, she's okay, and I care about her, but... I don't want to marry her. She's wrong for me. She's loud and bossy and rude and...!" He suddenly jerked back, realizing that he was spouting his issues to a person that he just met a mere few minutes ago. Panicked, Shinji stood straight up and began to wave his hands in a dismissive manner. "A-Ah! I'm sorry, I just started talking about something so stupid...! I hardly know you, and I..."

Kaworu's blood red eyes gleamed with a vague interest, but he kept his curiosity to himself. Humans were fickle creatures, after all. There was no good in pestering them on actions and thoughts that they themselves were puzzled over. "No need to apologize, Shinji. The sharing of troubles is a way to form a bond, correct? I have no trouble with you confessing these things to me if it makes you feel better." He continued with his pleasant smile and turned, walking over towards the church doors that Shinji had previously emerged from. Asuka was on the other side, apparently. Getting to know her would probably help him understand what exactly he needed to do in due time.

"Wait, I need to use the restroom. Could you wait before going in there? I don't want Asuka to get mad at you, Nagisa."

The angel had already begun to push open one of the doors. "I thought you weren't one for formalities, Shinji. You can call me by my first name."

* * *

At the sound of footsteps, Asuka let out an aggravated sigh and whipped around, prepared to deliver a long, disappointed lecture towards her returning love. She scowled, clenched her fists, and opened her mouth wide to let out her anger, only to see that the person who had entered was not Shinji at all. This only upset her further. Not only did she have to wait longer for her useless husband-to-be, but she had to deal with a complete stranger and fight down her urge to scream and let out all her frustrations. "Can I help you with something? Why are you just standing there and smiling? You better not try anything perverted on me, because I know how to fight, and I'll beat you damn good."

The pale young man that stood down at the base of the altar merely tilted his head to the side, looking her over with a quiet intensity. A shiver traveled down the woman's spine as she began to fear that she was in the presence of a psychopath, or some sick pervert who would try to defile her within moments. She took a step back and frowned at him. This only caused the other to laugh and shake his head at her actions. "Please, there is no need to be scared. I'm an acquaintance of Shinji. He invited me to wait here as you two continue on your business."

"You know Shinji?" A wave of emotions washed over Asuka in that moment, the most prominent of them being bitterness. She come to despise Shinji's friends, especially Toji in recent times, as they had nothing to say about the wedding other than words of disapproval and worry. Nothing kind and soothing ever came from those pigs, and now she had to face yet another one. Men were truly the most disgusting result of God's work. "As if that means anything to me. All you're going to do is make rude comments and distract Shinji. You might as well leave now, you idiot, because we have no time for you. Our wedding is in a week! Do you know how much there is to do still?" She was close to shouting at the smiling stranger, but she kept in mind that it would be best to keep a cool head about it. People often got a kick out of upsetting others, after all.

"My name is Kaworu. I suppose last names aren't important for you?"

Asuka took a step forwards, her fists tightening. "I could care less about who you are and what your name is. Why are you even here? I thought I told you to leave."

"Ah. Your words are sharp and full of pain. Now I understand why things have been weakening between the two of you," Kaworu replied, keeping a calm expression on his face. His words hurt the redhead deeply, but she did her best not to show it. Didn't he understand tact? Was he some sort of alien freak? He continued on, regardless. "Two bodies, broken and incomplete, cannot combine and create a happy, whole person. That is the truth of this world. You raise your barriers and try to control him as best you can, yet in the end, he pushes you away. Is this truly what you desire, Asuka?"It would have been best if she had ignored him and continued on with what she had been doing prior. Regret filled Asuka as she realized that, by turning and calling him out, she had sparked a battle that she wasn't quite willing to fight in at the moment. She bit her lip and tore her eyes from Kaworu, refusing to look at him again after what he had said. Disgusting. How disgusting men were! Only they could cut down a woman and reduce her to a quivering pile of emotion and fear! It was then that she longed for Shinji; every detail of his being would wrap around her and keep her safe from the outside world, and they would happily share the embrace, glad to have each other. Why couldn't such a dream become a reality? Why did he always leave her to deal with things on her own as he ran away? Asuka, blinded by anger, ran towards Kaworu and slapped him clean across the face.

He continued to smile, despite how red and swollen his left cheek had become from the hit. Asuka stared at him in disbelief before scowling and turning away, heading back up the altar where she had previously stood. "I don't know who you are, or why you think you have the right to come in here and insult me like that, but never speak to me again unless I say otherwise. You disgust me. All of you... You're filth. And I can't be bothered with filth." She paused and looked down at her hand, red and stinging from the blow she delivered. "I'm going to go wash my hands. I touched you, and that's enough to make me sick to my stomach."

She stormed off towards the lobby restroom, only to bump into Shinji as she opened the door.

"Asuka? Are we leav-"

"I'm going to go wash my hands. And no, we're not leaving, because you haven't done **anything**!"

* * *

Asuka had been gone for 10 minutes already. Obviously something had happened between her and Kaworu, judging by the red mark on the latter's cheek, but it was of no concern to the troubled groom. Shinji was not one to question such luck when it happened. Now he could sit and enjoy the silence without having to think much about the upcoming wedding. Glancing at the albino, who sat beside him, he couldn't help but smile a little and pray that his new companion would stick around for a while longer. "Kaworu... Are you feeling better?"

"Hm?"

"You're not feeling faint or anything, are you?"

The angel turned to look at Shinji, smiling softly. "No, I'm just fine. Thank you for asking, though." There was a pause, and a look of puzzlement crossed over his usually relaxed features. "Will Asuka be back soon? I might have offended her during our conversation, and if I upset her greatly, it might spell trouble for you. Do you think we should check and see if she is alright?"

"Asuka will be fine. She's strong and independent, so any attempts made to help her will be shot down. She should be back soon, so don't worry about it... And I doubt you offended her too much. From what I can tell, you're a very kind person." There was a sharp pang of guilt that came along with his words, though. Shinji knew how wrong it was to ignore the feelings of another for his own sake, but recently, he had so little time to himself that he was practically sobbing at how wonderful it was to be with Kaworu and no one else at the moment. Asuka would be fine. She was always fine, in the end, and he knew it. So he turned away from the thoughts of guilt that plagued the back of his mind and focused on how good it felt to hear someone say his name without shouting or scolding. "Are you doing anything later?"

Kaworu blinked, and for a moment, it looked as if he was unsure of how to answer, but he quickly reverted back to his usual calm and collected self. He leaned back in the pew they sat in, staring up at the mural of God and Christ that was painted up behind the altar. "Unfortunately, yes. I have a bit of work to do. However, I would enjoy spending time with you tomorrow, if that is alright, Shinji."

A shiver travelled down his spine as his name spilled from the other's lips. What was it about the other that seemed so otherworldly? There was just something about him that radiated perfection and happiness, and Shinji couldn't help but look to him with admiration for it. It was almost as if he were an angel, or some sort of celestial spirit that had come to grace the earth with his presence. _Oh, what am I thinking? I'm just overthinking things_, Shinji thought to himself, managing a small, timid smile in response to the other. He liked hearing Kaworu speak. In fact, it almost scared him how badly he wanted to hear him again. "O-Of course. I... I mean, I'm sorry if I seem a little too desperate to spend time with you or anything. I'm just not very good with people, and you're really nice, so I just..."

"There is no need to apologize for human behavior. It is something that comes naturally to you, and there is no helping it, really," Kaworu murmured, "You long for companionship, and through your longing, you are eager to turn to whomever shows you kindness. And in that process, you run from those in your life who bring you pain and discomfort. It may not be the best way to go about things, but in the end, no two humans are alike. Continue to be who you are, Shinji, and I will fulfill my duty."

"Your duty?"

"Yes. I will bring you happiness, Shinji Ikari. That is my mission."

He had only met this person, and he was already declaring that his purpose was to bring happiness into his dreary life? Shinji wasn't sure if he should sit in stunned silence or burst into tears. He felt so disgusting and horrid for using his new companion as a way to avoid the problems in his life, but at the same time he felt dizzy and weightless, for this was something entirely new to him. This person was promising him happiness. No one had ever done so before - not even his own family. Was it safe? Was it really a good idea to place the future of his own happiness in the hands of a stranger? At this point, he honestly didn't care. Stifling a sob, Shinji reached forward and took one of Kaworu's hands, grasping it firmly in his own. "Then you are my friend?" he gasped. "My friend who will never leave me or cast me aside when I fail to meet your expectations?"

Kaworu silently looked down at his hand, watching with widened eyes as it was squeezed with such desperation and affection by the other. There was a brief moment of silence between the two, with the pale angel staring in stunned silence at the trembling groom before him, before a shaky breath escaped the former.

"Y-Yes."

* * *

_ ~ The wingless fallen angel  
Surrendered himself to the contract of the evil  
In the past he had loved greatly  
But he soon ended it with his own hand ~_


	3. Desire

**Sorry for the wait ;u; I've been a little busy recently. I hope this chapter is ok, I feel like I sort of rushed it hfdshaf;fh;/ Anyways, thank you for all the reviews and everything! It really keeps me going. 3 **

* * *

III: Desire

* * *

Kaworu wasn't sure how to feel when his hand was finally released. His hand stayed where it was, neither reaching to take back the warmth it had previously experienced nor pulling away in fear and confusion over what had just taken place. He knew that there was no reason to be weary of Shinji, a human, of all things, but there was something about what had just happened that shook the angel to the very core of his being - the warmth of his touch, combined with the look of longing and desperation for companionship in the other's blue-grey eyes... A warm feeling began to pool in his stomach, though he wasn't quite sure why.

_( Tabris, you must remain strong. What will the others think if you show such weak behavior in front of a human? Whatever it is you are feeling, it surely is nothing. Maybe a test? I have been rather lax in assignments as of late, so perhaps these odd thoughts and feelings are a test of my resolve? )_

Ruby eyes met with blue-grey ones once more, and in that moment, the angel felt something inside of him crumble. It was as if a barrier had been destroyed, leaving him open and vulnerable prey for Shinji to descend upon at any given moment. This thought startled him further. "Friends... It sounds nice," he managed to say, his voice trembling. "I am glad you place so much trust in me, Shinji. Friendship... Friendship is precious, and it must be looked after with tender care." His eyes were still locked with the other's, despite how desperate he was to look away and distract himself from his panicked thoughts. Angels were not supposed to be burdened with such human-like troubles, so why was this becoming a problem? He had been a messenger of God since the early days of mankind, and he had never experienced such oddities before. Such feelings were surely an act of sin? He would most likely be confronted as soon as he returned to the celestial realm. Swallowing down his unease, Kaworu managed to turn to look towards the church altar, silently praying for the strength to overcome whatever it was gnawing at his insides.

Shinji must have sensed that something in the atmosphere had changed, for he quickly looked down at his own feet, looking both ashamed and nervous. For what, though? The angel was tempted to ask. He didn't have time to put his thoughts together, though, as the other quickly spoke up again. "I'm sorry I got so worked up just now... I'm just not used to that kind of stuff being said to me, and I guess it got me a little too excited. Usually I don't act this way around people, though, so it won't happen again."

"Why are you apologizing? You simply expressed your feelings... Is that not a good thing to do? Keeping them bottled up will only make things harder for you down the road." Why were humans so odd when it came to expression? The angel wished he could understand the nature of humanity, but it seemed much too chaotic and burdened with emotion for him to bother with.

Shinji reddened in response, brows furrowed with frustration. "N-No, that's... It is good to express your feelings, but sometimes feelings are so confusing and overwhelming that they should be thought over before you let them out. Right? I mean... I just met you, and yet something about you feels so different that I can't help but think you're okay to trust. I think that's why I feel, well, comfortable around you. Does... Does that make any sense? Sorry, if it doesn't."

_( He only trusts me so blindly because he can sense my pureness. I am not tainted like his kind are, so it is only natural for him to be confused about his judgement. This is not something an ordinary human can understand... Ah, poor thing. In a world where beings exist only to hurt each other, he is left feeling so alone and defenseless. I wish to give him all that he needs in order to survive this realm - compassion, tenderness, trust, love... )_

And so there it was. The warm and fluttery feeling that Kaworu had been experiencing suddenly came to a screeching halt as he began to realize that the forbidden idea had somehow forced itself into his thoughts. Love was perhaps one of the greatest sins an angel and human could commit, and the fact that the very word had entered his mind filled him with a sense of dread. Even if the odd sensations he felt around Shinji weren't branched off from love at all, the fact that he had even considered giving the human anything but compassion and angelic guidance was sinful enough. Surely, whatever it was stirring his being was something else entirely? Sympathy or perhaps just a strong sense of devotion? Kaworu found himself unable to look at Shinji, fearing the truth of the matter.

"It... It does make sense," he lied, his nails digging into the soft wood of the pew they sat in. "Shinji, we should probably check in on Asuka now... She has been gone for a while, a-and..."

This suggestion was ignored. Shinji had inched closer to the angel, concern filling his blue-grey eyes as he drew near. "Are you alright? I think you're still shaken up from that fall you had. You're trembling a lot... Should I take you to the hospital, Kaworu?"

_( Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. **Please **don't say my name. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't... )_

Kaworu managed to turn his head and look at his companion, despite how the reason within him screamed for him to look away and take solace in prayer and meditation, like a good angel should. His ruby eyes met with Shinji's once again, and within moments, the ice feeling that had gripped his insides melted away into a hot, boiling sensation that made him squirm in his seat. "N-No, I can manage on my own... I just feel a little dizzy. I just need to rest, and I should be just fine." More lies and human-like emotions? Oh, he was surely going to be killed for this, or perhaps worse. Yet he found himself unable to care about any of that. All he cared about at that moment was how close Shinji was and discovering what it was about him that had sparked such odd feelings within him. What was so special about him? There were billions of humans that roamed the earth, and billions more angels that crowded the heavens above, so why had Shinji, of all in existence, caused him to feel so unsure of himself?

Shinji frowned and reached for Kaworu's hand, gripping it tightly in attempts to capture his attention. "Hey, don't lie to me about this kind of stuff! We're friends now, right?. So I'm here for you if you need me. If you really don't feel good, we can go to the hospital or something to check out what's wrong. Okay?"

_( Love? Lust? Infatuation? What is it that I feel towards you, Shinji Ikari? What have you done to me? Oh, but... But what does that matter now? Please keep holding my hand. Don't let go. It feels nice. )_

"Of course, Shinji," he breathed, his mind spinning as new thoughts and feelings began to take him all at once. It was overwhelming, yet at the same time exciting. He had never felt so real before, and with each passing moment, he could feel his insides grow hotter and hotter, yet he enjoyed the oddness of it all.

He wanted it to last forever, if possible.

* * *

Asuka stared out of the passenger window of the taxi, her eyes glazed over with a silent rage that could not be calmed, no matter how many times Shinji apologized to her. She had been waiting for him to come after her, to comfort her, to fucking be there after the unpleasant encounter she had with that Kaworu fellow, but he never came - he instead chose to spend time with the very person who had upset her in the first place. That hit her harder than the accusations she had faced back in the church. It would take much more than the usual apology to make it up to her, but she was much too engrossed in her own thoughts to even care about that. All she could think about was how eager she was to go out, drink, and forget about the whole mess entirely. Asuka usually held herself above drinking for the sole purpose of getting drunk, but considering the events of the day, it was perfectly justified to lower her standards at least once.

"Hey, are you listening? I said I'm sorry... Asuka?"

His apologies were getting pretty damn annoying.

Growling irritably, the redhead turned to glare at her partner, unwilling to express anything towards him other than complete disdain. "I'm listening, but I don't care. You don't even deserve my attention, you know, so be thankful I'm giving you that at least!" With a huff, she turned and looked out the window again. It was getting harder for her to forgive him for his actions. He would never change.

Shinji attempted to tug on the sleeve of her blouse, but she quickly elbowed him away. "Tch... Asuka, I really didn't mean to leave you like that. Really! I just... Kaworu and I started talking, and before I knew it, time had passed so quickly. I thought you would be back in a couple minutes. Any longer than that, and I would have gone after you, honest!" His voice was strained as it usually was when he was trying to hide the truth. How disgusting. "Please, don't be mad. We're getting married soon... Now isn't the time for this kind of stuff, am I right? Come on, Asuka. I... I need you."

"Need me? What a laugh. Stop the car, damn it."

The taxi driver, who had remained silent throughout the quarrel, nodded quickly and pulled over to the side of the road. Asuka leapt out as soon as she could, unwilling to remain the car with Shinji any longer than was necessary. "You don't need me, you idiot! You're just using me, and I fucking know it, so you can quit spewing your pathetic crap this way and that, because I'm not in the mood for it. I'm going to stop by Hikari's for a while - maybe the whole night, even. Don't bother waiting up for me, either. I'm not coming home until I feel like it," she shouted, ignoring the rather startled people walking past her. Shinji was trembling before her, much to her delight, and looked as if he were ready to break down at any moment. It would serve him right for his neglect. If he broke beyond the point of redemption, then surely, he understand how important she was in his life? Keeping such a thought in mind, Asuka continued on. "You just met this guy, and already you like him more than me. So you know what? Go ahead and hang out with your precious Kaworu, or whatever his name was. I don't care. You're pathetic, and so is he. When he stomps on your little heart just like everyone else in your life does, don't bother seeking comfort in me. How can I comfort you, when you can't even comfort yourself? Fool."

"A-Asuka, please, get back in the taxi. We'll discuss it when we get back to our apartment... Stop yelling." Shinji's pleas went unheard, as his fianceé soon slammed the passenger door shut in his face. She glared at him, silently daring him to do something, anything, to get her back into the car. A few more people passed by, glancing over at the tense couple - one looking ready to kill, the other looking tired, so tired.

A few moments later, Shinji turned away from the window, and, without so much as a second glance at the girl, nodded for the driver to start up the taxi and leave.

* * *

"Are you ready for the wedding next week?"

Ritsuko looked over at her grinning friend, a look of pointed annoyance gleaming in her eyes as she took another long, heavy drag from her cigarette. "Not really," she sighed, the bittersweet smoke curling around her face as she exhaled. "Marriage is pointless, really, and those two make it even more pointless with how naive they are. They're only doing this for the sake of it. It holds no true meaning to either of them." Her words were bitter and sharp, but really, there was no room left for sugar coated lies and forced smiles on the matter. It had been left unspoken about for far too long, despite how most people probably agreed with her. Judging by the look that had roused in Misato's eyes, it was obvious that she thought the same thing.

"Shinji cares for her deep down - I know he does. But..." She frowned and looked down at the ashtray on the bar table, unwilling to express her opinions on the matter. A sip from her can of beer followed soon after. "You need to stop being so pessimistic. Let the kids live a little, why don't you?"

The lipstick-stained remnants of the cigarette was pressed into the ashtray. "I'm being realistic, that's all. Letting people chase down foolish ideas ends in misery no matter what. You should know that better than anyone. You're just letting him and Asuka stray down the same path."

A heavy silence fell between the two friends before Misato chuckled, setting her nearly empty beer can down on the table. She smiled sourly at the other. "Shinji won't make the same mistakes as me. He's pretty smart. He must get that from his father, hm?" By the look of frustration that had pinched the normally cool and collected facade Ritsuko usually put on display, it looked like she had hit things right on the mark. Good. Wordlessly, Misato signaled the nearest waitress to bring them another round of beers.

* * *

_( What will I do when I see him tomorrow? Will this heat building up inside of my chest cease by then? I hope it does... And yet at the same time, I long to feel this burning sensation forever. Is this truly the earthly feeling of love? What is love, truly? There is love between family and close friends, from what I understand, yet this is something entirely different. I yearn for him. I ache for him. Am I to die for the sake of these forbidden feelings? Is this boy of man truly worth the risk? )_

Kaworu closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head in defeat. He found it impossible to sort out the emotions currently running through his mind, leaving his hopes of figuring out the human nonsense that had grasped him to die out completely. There were some things that even divine spirits could not know, it seemed. And yet that brought a sense of comfort to the angel, for if that were the case, then it was likely that the others had yet to discover his sin. There was still time... Time left to be with Shinji, in whatever way possible. The feelings that had been ignited within the very core of his being could possibly, possibly , reach the human... If only he knew how to get them across.

_( Tabris, you fool. He will never understand the complexities of this situation, and neither will you. Such feelings between human and angel are forbidden. Surely, even if I managed to express this oddness to him, he would reject me. And in turn, I will be rejected by my brothers and sisters of above. God will reject me, too. I will be killed for this. )_

Still, he was determined to try.

_( I will reach you, Shinji Ikari. )_


End file.
